Valentine's Day Reflections: Queering Love
I celebrated Valentine’s Day partnered almost, if not entirely, all of my adult life. I followed the traditional expectations within society of emphasizing romantic relationships and celebrating the partner for their role in my life.
2021 marked the first year I spent Valentine’s Day alone. Unknowingly, it was what would continue to be a tradition of rebranding love for myself. I was set on reclaiming this day to represent how I (currently or otherwise aimed to) conceptualized love. It was an opportunity to re-prioritize the direction I focused my love toward as well as an opportunity to offer to myself grand gestures of celebration.
Each year honoured the unique stage of my shifting relationship to love. A new year with a new lesson. These themes not only contained my constructs of a relationship to self. They also contained my constructs of a relationship to others and to community that was informed by my pursuit to dismantle mono-normative ideals.
I hope that you may take these learnings as reflections for your own life, making it applicable to your own journey in a way that works for you.
2021: Dating yourself.
Like meeting a new someone, this year was all about re-learning and re-discovering. I wanted to cultivate healing and, aligned to what we are drawn to within limerence, it was pretty body-oriented. Nourishing the body, I found ways to feel, forgive, and find pleasure. Touch, bubble baths, good food were my intimate gestures to myself. I aimed to find balance and gentleness.
2022: Being your own primary partner.
As I maintained my relationship to self, I shifted my aim to developing a secure attachment with self. This aligned with the practice of solo polyamory. I prioritized personal agency. This did not mean I devalued the role of others in my life but, I did direct my attention inward to strengthen connection to personal commitments, values, and intuition. I aimed to ensure that before seeking out, I accessed and honoured lessons of the past as well as internal resources. I wanted to find comfort in solitude and to be less lonely while being alone.
2023: Repairing relationships.
Feeling like I could stand on my own two feet a little better, I was eager to jump back into the social waters. To re-connect, I went on the dates and attended the munches. It was an exciting first of acknowledging and attending to my own needs while being within and tending to relationships. This did not come smoothly and there was a lot of trial and error involved. Like any connection, conflict and repair is part of the journey. There was a bit of nicking old wounds (mine and others’) in the process of mending relationships with others. These moments helped bolster the lesson of being worth your value.
2024: Re-engagement as an act of self love.
After looking inward, I was ready to look forward. In the process of leaving the boudoir and re-entering the rest of the house, I was committed to engage as an act of self-love. This integration allowed me to show up out of self-admiration and -respect and allowed for the witnessing of others and ourselves as social mirrors. It was a time to repair and co-regulate through unconditional positive regard and to invest loving energy into passions, vocation, and community in a way that aligned with the philosophy of relationship anarchy. I was able to recognize love as an action and an ongoing practice.
Whether partnered or single, we deserve to make meaningful constructs of love which we can practice in a way that makes sense and works for us. Are these themes ones you would like support in to look within and explore further?
I would be happy to be your guide and welcome you to book here to learn more.
